A Divine Plan From LebJournals

Something is wrong here, war, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime and corruption, something is definitely wrong, this is not good work, if this is the best God can do I am not impressed, results like these do not belong in the resume of a supreme being, this is the kind of crap you would expect from an office clerk with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently run universe this guy would have been out on his all powerful ass a long time ago, and by the way I say this “GUY” because I firmly believe looking at these results that if there is a God it has to be a man because no woman could or would ever screw things up like this. So if there is a God I think most reasonable people might agree that’s he’s at least incompetent and maybe just maybe; doesn’t give a crap, doesn’t give a crap! which I admire in a person and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn’t give a crap I decided to look around for something else to worship, something I could really count on, and immediately I thought of the sun, happened like that, overnight I became a sun worshipper…..well not overnight, u can’t see the sun at night, but 1st thing the next morning, I became a sun worshipper.

Several reasons; 1st of all I can see the sun okay, yeah unlike some other gods I can mention I can actually see the sun. I’m big on that, if I can see something, I don’t know, kind of helps the credibility along u know, so every day I can see the sun as it gives me everything I need; heat light food flowers in the park reflections on the lake and occasional skin cancer, but hey at least there are no crucifixions and were not setting people on fire just because they don’t agree with us. Sun worship is fairly simple, there is no mystery, no miracles, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn and we don’t have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I’m unworthy, doesn’t tell me I am a bad person who needs to be saved, hasn’t said an unkind word, treats me fine.

So I worship the sun, but I don’t pray to the sun, you know why? I wouldn’t presume on our friendship. It’s not polite, I always thought people treated God a little rudely don’t you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day, asking and pleading and begging for favors; do this, give me that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes places on Sunday…his day off, it’s not nice, and it’s no way to treat a friend. But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know; your sister needs an operation on her crouch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall, but most of all you would really like to get around that hot little red head down the convenience store, the one with the eye patch and the club foot, can u pray for that? I think you would have to. And I say fine, pray for anything you want, pray for anything, but what about the divine plan?

Remember that?

The divine plan; long time ago God made a divine plan, gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something, well suppose the thing you want isn’t in Gods divine plan, what do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant, it’s a divine plan! What’s the use of being God if every run down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and screw up your plan. And here’s something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren’t answered, what do you say; Well its God’s will, Thy will be done. Fine, but if its Gods will and he’s going do what he wants to anyway, why the hell bother praying in the 1st place? Seems to be a big waste of time to me, couldn’t u just skip the praying part and go right to his will?

It’s all very confusing.

reference : george carlin

friend of zeus!

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